Alors, Et Toi? is a quarterly magazine of the arts, digitally published on the world wide web.
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The streets outside the White House are aglow tonight as hundreds of Acuras, Mitsubishi Eclipses and "suped up" Ford Escorts line the streets, casting dull light from their ground effects. Cool guys from all over the nation have banded together with a common goal--tax breaks for the cool guys. Totally awesome dude, Kyle Smith, sheds more light on the demand:
"It's like...it's getting expensive. You know? It's challenging our way of life. How are we supposed to drag Main Street and cruise by the high schools to check out the fly hoes when gas is, like, four dollars a gallon?"
He then went on to mention that the strain is causing him to ask his mom for more and more money each week, citing that his job as assistant manager at the local Wendy's isn't paying enough to meet his needs. Looking on the bright side, he declared that the financial crunch has afforded him more time to play the X-Box 360 his parents bought him for Christmas.
Jared Michaels, leaning against his lime green Honda Accord as though he were posing for a high school senior photo, pontificated further on the topic.
"I'm out there every day. I'm doing it for the people, you know? Peeling out as I'm leaving the parking lot at Wal-Mart, racing your average Joe at the street light, and speeding through residential streets. I put on a show, and the people love it. But they don't understand that every time I peel out, it costs me, like, a dollar. Things are getting tight. I'm having to stay home and eat my grandma's cooking more often. I can't even go to my usual restaurants and loiter with my crew. You know?"
Having to eat more home-cooked meals isn't the only sacrifice these righteous dudes have had to make. Randy Graves explained that he has had to stop paying car insurance, forcing his father to take over the $175-a-month payments. The high price is due to a large number of speeding tickets, which is a common problem amongst the awesome guys. Many are pushing, in addition to tax breaks, for the immediate expunging of all driving records.
Bobby Grey and his “boo”, Shannon King, attributed recent strain in their relationship to the unreasonable cost of being rad. Bobby has been forced to borrow increasing amounts of money Shannon's parents give her each week so he can keep up with the other awesome guys. Consequently, Shannon has less money to spend on revealing clothes, making her less appealing to Bobby.
“I had to let him get to third base just to get him to look past my two-month-old tube top,” King said.
As the windows in Washington rattle from the dense concentration of excessively large subwoofers, a response from officials remains to be heard. It's a circus of mini trucks, jerking hydraulics and sideways hats. A circus with a purpose. How much relief would a tax break actually provide for these citizens who generally make less than $20,000 a year and are still claimed as dependents by their parents? Probably not much, but, as Mopar enthusiast Leon Bradshaw puts it, "It's just the point that matters. Know what I mean?"
The motivation to protest in Washington comes as the culmination of years of frustration. In protest to rapidly escalating gas prices, many cool guys have been parking large groups of cars in parking lots of closed businesses with their car hoods open. It's their way of telling this administration that they're not going to stand for this threat to their lifestyle.
Should Americans live in fear of one day driving streets with no imminent hope of being passed in a residential neighborhood while driving the speed limit? Economist Margaret Walsh explains that it's not likely.
“Many super-rad bros have already begun making necessary adjustments to maintain their lifestyles. They bring out their 'crotch rockets' in the warm months to conserve gas, putting money back for the cold months when they have to drive their cars. The crisis has inspired them to become more frugal.”
Only time will tell how long this belt-cinching strategy will tide them over until they and Washington come to some sort of resolution. Until then, it's safe to say that Americans should appreciate what they've got--selfless entertainers burdening the growing expenses for their benefit--before it's gone.
About The Author
Mitchell Hargrave lives in Hutchinson, Kansas. He is a project manager for a web design company and also writes for an online magazine about Hutchinson called whatsuphutch.com. When time permits, he also writes jerky nonsense like that which you've just read. He makes a mean omelet. Writing has been a major interest of his since forever. None of his other stuff has been published yet, but he insists you look forward to seeing a lot from him in the future.